How to potty train autistic children

Potty training is a significant milestone for any child, and for parents of autistic children, this process can present unique challenges. Understanding the specific needs and behaviours of your child is crucial to developing an effective potty training strategy. In our last blog we talked about how to know if your autistic child is ready for potty training. This time we will explore some very early steps you can introduce right at the start of your potty training journey.

The very first steps of potty training can look different for different children. For lots of children potty training starts with a conversation about transitioning out of nappies, into pants and starting to use a toilet or potty. However this may not be the starting place for your autistic child. Think about the skills and readiness signs they currently have in relation to potty training, and use this to guide where your potty training journey begins.

Create a Comfortable Environment

Make the bathroom/toilet a welcoming space. If your child is scared of the room, this is your starting point. Create a non-scary environment with your child’s preferred toys and activities and just spend time in the room without any expectations of using the toilet or having a wee or a poo in the room. If your child has lots of sensory sensitivities, gradually introduce your child to the sensations involved, such as the sound of flushing or the feeling of sitting on the potty. Do this slowly, at your child’s pace and don’t forget to celebrate their achievements. If your child has gone from running away every time the toilet flushes, to being able to stay in the room whilst it flushes, this is a huge achievement and potty training milestone, so don’t forget to celebrate it!

Decide if you’ll be using a potty or the toilet

Think about whether you are going to introduce a potty, or go straight to your child using the toilet. There are advantages to both, and your decision should be based on your child’s needs. The biggest advantage of using a potty is that it's portable and can be set up close to where your child usually spends the most time. This is great especially if you have a big house and it's a long way to the toilet. If your child is very avoidant of the bathroom, a potty could be a great way to start toilet training whilst you are also working on desensitising them to the room (see number 1) - but be careful not to introduce too many new things at the same time. The disadvantage of using a potty is that it can result in having to teach an additional step to potty training (e.g. transitioning from the potty into the toilet itself). If your child struggles with generalisation, or doesn’t like lots of changes, it may be best to go straight to teaching them on the toilet. You can buy various types of add-ons to your toilet to make it child sized - the last thing we want is for a child that is apprehensive about using the toilet to fall in on their first try because the seat is too big for them!!

If you’re using the toilet, make sure that the seat is the right size for your child and they have somewhere to put their feet. The right positioning makes a difference!

Introduce a new routine

Consistency and routine are your friends when it comes to autistic children. Establish a regular bathroom routine, such as sitting on the potty or toilet every morning, after meals and before bedtime. At the start it doesn’t matter if they don’t have a wee or a poo, it's just about introducing the routine of sitting there. The rest of the time you can continue with nappies as normal. If they do have a wee or a poo whilst on the toilet, make sure to celebrate the success with them straight away - this might be with lots of praise, a happy song or dance, a sticker, a special treat; something that your child already loves.

Use visual supports 

Visual aids, like picture cards or social stories, can help explain the potty training process. Create or buy a step-by-step visual guide showing each stage, from pulling down pants to washing hands. This can make the process more predictable and less intimidating. You can also use visual to show a reward, especially if your child loves to collect stickers, or understands the idea of earning tokens to be able to get a bigger reward. But be aware that just because a visual is supposed to be rewarding your child, doesn’t necessarily mean it acts as a reward.

If your child understands earning tokens to receive a bigger reward at the end, a visual token system can be a great motivator for them. We love this potty training reward jar that you can buy from craftly.com

Communicate clearly

Think about the language you and your household use to talk about the toilet. There are so many different ways to say you are going to the toilet, so many different words for bodily functions and parts. Using consistent language across all people in the household may help your child to understand what is being talked about. We strongly recommend that you use anatomically correct words for genitals. It’s important that children learn from an early age that although genitals are private, they are not so private that you shouldn’t talk about them. When other names are taught, it can result in children thinking they will get into trouble when talking about their genitals and so may not confide in adults if they are confused or concerns that someone is touching them inappropriately, or they may not be able to communicate effectively about their genitals because they don’t know what words to use. 

Stop using nappies

Whatever stage the child is at, stopping using nappies will be a big change for them. You might decide that the best way to go is to stop nappies altogether. If this is the case and your child understands, you can explain to them that from now on they will not have nappies and they will do all of their wees and poos in the potty or toilet. Doing this with a story book is a great way to reinforce the concept with visuals. But it does not have to be a cold turkey situation. Very often, children will stop wearing nappies during the day but continue to wear them at night for a long time. Staying dry through the night often comes later than being potty trained during the day. You could also introduce a nappy off period to get them used to the feeling of not wearing a nappy. Do this immediately after they have had a wee or a poo so that there is less likelihood of accidents.

Celebrate success!

If your child successfully wees or poos on the toilet or potty, don’t forget to celebrate!! Make sure your celebration happens straight away and is meaningful to your child. Some children absolutely love stickers and these can be a great motivator for toilet training, but if your child has no interest in stickers at all, giving them a sticker after they have successfully used the toilet or potty will likely have no impact on them, and in their eyes is not a celebration. If the celebration occurs after a delay, your child may not associate the celebration with what they did all that time ago - it needs to be as immediate as possible.

Managing accidents

Accidents are an inevitable part of toilet training. It is very important not to shame or punish your child about accidents. They do not yet have full control of their bladder. When accidents happen, help them to get clean and dry as soon as possible, and give a gentle and friendly reminder about where to wee/poo

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’re facing significant challenges, it might be helpful to consult a professional, such as an occupational therapist or a behavioural therapist. This is where EBL Consultancy can help! We provide tailored strategies and support based on your child’s specific needs - found out more here.

Some final thoughts

Potty training all children requires patience, understanding and a personalised approach. But often with autistic children you need a little bit more of all of those things. By recognising your child’s unique needs and employing consistent, compassionate strategies, you can help them achieve this important milestone. Remember, progress may be slow, and setbacks are normal, but with perseverance and support, your child can successfully navigate the potty training journey. Celebrate each success and stay positive – you’ve got this!